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Recently, a new dialogue and chat AI application is being developed. The difference from the current dialogue-shaped AI is that this product is more anthropomorphic and can achieve the purpose of long-term companionship chat. In order to understand the key to conversation and small talk between people, how to start a talk, how to maintain a long-term talk, how to have an effective communication, how to build a relationship through communication, how to resolve misunderstandings and differences in the communication and other issues. I recently quickly browsed more than 20 books and some thesis materials. The AI book summary tool in the previous project also helped a lot, allowing me to quickly find the much-needed content in the article.
The book list is as follows：
The Art of Asking - Terry J. Fadem
How We Talk - N. J. Enfield
Skill with People - Les Giblin
The Like Switch - Jack Schafer & Marvin Karlins
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less - Nicholas Boothman
The Communication Book - Mikael Krogerus & Roman Tschappeler
The Art of Conversation - Judy Apps
Alone Together - Sherry Turkle
The Intelligent Conversationalist - Imogen Lloyd Webber
The Science of Effective communication - Ian Tuhovsky
The Art of Conversation - Catherine Blyth
Just Listen - Mark Goulston
You’re Not Listening - Kate Murphy
The Charisma Myth - Olivia Fox Cabane
How to Speak How to Listen - Mortimer K. Adler
How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere - Larry King & Bill Gilbert
Talking to Strangers - Malcolm Gladwell
Conversationally Speaking - Alan Garner
The Fine Art of Small Talk - Debra Fine
How to Talk to Anyone - Leil Lowndes
Supercomunicators - Charles Duhigg
Reclaiming Conversation - Sherry Turkle
Better Small Talk - Patrick King
Everyone Communicates Few Connect - John C. Maxwell
How to Talk to Anyone - Partrick King
The Conversation Code - Gregory Peart
Although not all chat cheats have theoretical basis and practical nature, and there is a gap with the recurrence of our companion chat-based AI function, I still made a summary of the more concentrated content mentioned in these books, which may be helpful in daily life.
The key to establishing a dialogue
Skills to start a conversation
- Show sincere interest, this is the key to starting a conversation
- Use open-ended questions to encourage the other party to share more information
- Create a comfortable atmosphere and use relaxing topics or humor to break the ice -Observe environmental clues and use the current situation as a starting point for dialogue
- Show personal warmth and build a positive first impression through smiles and eye contact
Establish preliminary contact
- Find common ground or share experiences, which helps build trust
- Use like, participate, ask questions, reveal, connect and other skills to build a rapport immediately
- Show authenticity and make the other party feel safe and comfortable to share ideas
- Use "surprise comments" or "creative opening remarks" to arouse curiosity
Keep a long conversation
Active listening skills
- Focus on what the other party is saying and show full concentration
- Use reflective listening to summarize the other party's thoughts to show understanding
- Avoid interruptions and give the other party room to fully express
- Use verbal and non-verbal cues (such as nodding, maintaining eye contact) to indicate that you are actively participating
Keep the conversation flowing
- Use open questions to encourage in-depth communication
- Follow up questions based on the other party's response to show that you are listening carefully
- Share relevant personal experiences and then redirect the conversation back to the other party
- Flexibly change topics and adjust the direction of the conversation according to the other party's interests
- Use "topic conversion techniques" to seamlessly transition to related topics
Emotional participation
- Identify and confirm the other party's emotions, using expressions such as "I can understand how you feel"
- Show empathy, understand and share each other's feelings
- Create a safe communication environment and encourage open and sincere sharing
- Use appropriate humor to maintain a relaxed atmosphere
Build relationships through dialogue
Build trust and intimacy
- Gradually reveal yourself and share personal information slowly over time
- Practice mutual vulnerability and share personal experiences to encourage each other to do the same
- Confirm and verify each other's feelings and experiences
- Demonstrate consistency and reliability, communicate regularly and respond in a timely manner
Deepen the connection
- Explore common values and beliefs and strengthen emotional bonds
- Use "Connect Stories" to share personal anecdotes related to the topic
- Pay attention to the flow of emotions and pay attention to the emotional clues in the conversation
- Mention the previous conversation to show that you value each other's thoughts
Long-term relationship maintenance
- Check regularly and express your concern through small gestures
- Provide support in difficult times, which can strengthen friendship
- Create interactive rituals, such as regular chat times or specific discussion topics
- Encourage reflection and prompt the other party to think about their experiences or feelings
Technology assisted communication
- Choose the right platform for dialogue and consider audience preferences
- Use emoticons or intonation indicators to convey emotions in text communication
- Balance digital communication with more personalized methods (such as telephone or face-to-face meetings)
- Pay attention to the timing of the response to show your investment in the conversation
